Letters to my Loves: Letters #11-17

dear love,
from time to time I imagine what it'd be like to kiss the lips that I admire so much.
last night I dreamt about them,
we kissed and it was every bit as passionate as I hoped it would be.
Your hands were all over my body as we laid there
embracing each others lips and it was complete bliss.
I never wanted the moment to end,
but happiness never lasts, even in dreams.
I contemplate releasing to you my thoughts,
all of them, from the very beginning.
But afraid of how you'll react, I contain it.
But still, I'm constantly looking for the opportune moment to dump them on you, feelings.
Is it not fair to be conscious of how intensely someone feels about you?
Then again, it's not fair to obtain such intense feelings when the feelings are not mutual.
But those lips. . . if only I could just taste those lips.
<3 me

hi love,
being at your house was like being at my grandma's house,
without the innocence.
it was easy for me to fall comfortable there,
and even easier for me to fall comfortable in your arms.
the comfort, I think, is what I fell in love with first.
but that wasn't all I fell in love with. . .
I wonder if you loved something once, how can that love fade so easily?
But I guess nothing lasts forever
except for maybe the words that prove what was once there,
our love.
<3 me

dear love,
hi.
though my eyes have not yet seen much of the day,
you have crossed my mind more than I can count.
I can only hope that you think of me an eighth of what I think of you.
I sigh often while pondering you, trying to figure you out.
"Oh, she's that kind of friend?"
Yeah. I want to defend you.
I don't want people thinking badly of you
but I guess first I need to figure you out.
I wish for the day where we can be alone.
we could tell each other our secrets and truths.
we can smile and laugh and cry and then maybe we'll really know each other.
I could defend you when you're not there.
I could appreciate your embrace more, the image of your pursed lips.
Maybe then we can love. Maybe then, you can love me.
Just hope the truth isn't ugly.
I just hope your insides match the out.
<3 me

hi love,
I never thought I'd go months without hearing the voice that comforted my ears for so long.
Complete strangers have come to hear it more than I as the weeks go on.
I wonder do you ever think of me.
Do you ever miss me as I miss you?
have you forgot our love, the many nights and days we've spent together?
do you ever lay watching television and miss me by your side?
After a long day, is there some other girl there to rub your pains away?
If I call will you answer?. . .
If you're not there will you return my call?
Will you be happy to hear from me? annoyed?
too many questions
too many answers I'll never have.
all I know is I miss you and I want so badly for you to miss me too.
<3 me

dear love,
I only have some time.
I just wanted to say
my heart still flutters
out of control from time to time
when thinking of you.
don't bend over in front of me anymore.
I steal glances every time.
I picture different approaches
I have towards you, my favorite,
I stop thinking so much
and reach for you by the waist,
pull you close. . .
<3 me

hola love,
I'm sorry, I feel I must
apologize. I try so hard
to stay positive. I have no
real voice to speak and
even when I did it felt
neglected. No worries or
hard feelings toward
you and I try so hard
with my nonexistent strong
voice to tell you so.
Listen, listen, listen.
So my eyes are
tired, dried out possibly
by the tears I try so hard
to hide from you. My heart
beating slower these days. . . it's dying
I know, I feel it. My body's
tired and exhausted, sore in
every angle. So much time
and money and nothing
to show for it, but semi-empty
hearts, many fun memories I can't help but forget, achy
muscles, confused thoughts, wants
I'll never get, and lastly, the
best friend I could never imagine
having. I love you, don't be sad
for me, you know I hate sympathy.
sorry for my bitchiness and
rudeness, sorry if I seem
snappy and off, sorry I can't
pull myself together, even for
you, love.
<3 me

hi love,
I saw you today. . .
well I thought I did.
the boy looked much
like you, it was frightening.
I saw you last night. . .
it was the day before you left.
Your shirt was blue with stripes.
The stripes were tiny. . .
We laid together, with sad eyes and
smiles on our faces.
I wasn't the least bit prepared for
what was to come.
I felt you today. . .
the room was stuffy,
it felt the same as when we'd
lay in your room for days.
Yeah, I guess I just got
too comfortable.
<3 me