Wanting you

The air is chilled and my nipples are hard.

I left my bra in the other room, but that's okay,

because I don't need it today. Today, I'm free.

I miss you and your cold-red lips... not touching

them, just admiring them and watching you speak

as you reveal those cute vampire teeth that I'm

secretly obsessed with. I could watch you speak

all day and night. I'm not sure what, besides

that, pulls me in so hard. But the attraction is unbearable.

I ponder. Must be the subtle jowls.

Although your voice is quite pleasing. Following

your words with bouncing eyes. Giggle.

You caught me once, or maybe twice, hanging on

to every thought spilling from your lips and onto

my lap. Where you once laid a hand, I gaze upon and

sigh. Trying to touch you, reaching and grabbing at words

that have no existence in the physical reality. But those

are what I have a grasp on most while imagining your

chortling face, and gleaming eyes. Remember that night

when we both cried and I fell asleep in your arms.

I'm not sure if I liked that generic lighting. But when I awoke

it was dark and your arms were around me. I felt bad and glad

all wrapped in one. The wine had me

confused, but so did you. I have never been this girl, so

I hate myself for it. All the time,

I wish you were here and I could have

you both. That's my selfish, greedy side

peeking out. You think I'm so beautiful, but

I have ugliness lurking in dark crevices, round

corners and bends you have yet to see. I wanna

show you everything, and let you cohere with me.

But our systems are on separate networks and I can't be

with you, at least for now. But don't keep holding on,

because it hurts me to hurt you in such ways. Would it be

crazy to say that I love you? I think so.

But I feel it sometimes, love. This isn't the first

I felt love or some relative of the thing that makes

people so blind, and gullible and vulnerable to pain.

In my blindness, I want you.