Settling

"Don't settle," they tell me. . .but if that's what it takes to kick this loneliness, why not settle? Why not let some other searching, lonely being keep me company? No one said we have to fall in love, they don't have to be "the one," we can just have fun, save each other from drowning in our loneliness.

This overrated, drawn out, disgusting heartache is getting the best of me. It makes me sick to my stomach, especially when I think about the amount of time that has gone by. What helps me though is knowing that I never cross his mind. Its still a struggle though. I'm still sensative to thoughts of him, randomly bursting into tears without warning. "Can you cook?" is not supposed to secrete salty, warm droplets. The girl with the red hair speaks on the subject, "its almost foriegn to me." And in a way, I know exactly what she meant. The amount of time that has passed makes it just a tiny piece of history. A tiny piece that has its roots dug deep into my heart and memories singed in my brain. Every thing is a constant reminder of the love I've lost and the pain I've endured: the boy across the room, the faint smell of Janie, happy couples walking by. . .and that beautiful boy, with the potential to steal my heart.